Jun 26, 2014 - Communication    1 Comment

Creative Writing Coursework

I stood there. Nothing. As the waves smacked hard against the rocks, nothing, nothing but despair. I was waiting for a boat to come to shore, with illegal substances on board I stupidly got myself into this mess. I was to take the goods and head back home. But there was more. These people were major ‘gangsters’ from Mexico, and if I was to mess up an order, I beg to differ.

I was woken up by the beautiful noise by the shore. As I sat there, I pictured the times with my dad on beach. We’d always skim stones or coins across the surface on the sea and enjoy our time. It was upsetting when he lost his battle to cancer, as he was the only one who really cared for me. So in memory of my father, I skimmed coins across the sea, imagining I was seven again. My dad was my inspiration, everything he did I admired. So there I was, standing on the shore skipping coins across the surface of the sea. The sun was still shining despite the fact that heavy black clouds were haunting towards me. Still no sign of the boat was a bit upsetting as I started to question whether or not these so called ‘gangsters’ were actually coming.

A day passed and then I was frightened by shouting. ‘Oiiii, wake up man we gotta go!!’ As soon as I heard this voice, I jumped up and immediately got hold of my belongings and held them tight towards my stomach. ‘Oii you here take your things and give me the money and then we can move!!’ I thought to myself, finally they came, after two long days and now they have the nerve to tell me to hurry up. I dropped my belongings onto my feet, I did not show any emotion as it hurt but I stood upright and tried to seem cool. ‘Oii mate you’re messing with the wrong people you na, just hurry up’ I was in no rush to hurry up, I had the whole day ahead of me, as I strolled towards the boat, kicking any rock in my path. ‘Well well well, you finally arrived ey’ I said towards the angry Mexican. ‘Look mate, I sorry we’re late, but HURRY THE HELL UP!’

I laughed and smiled, picked up a rock and examined it, took my time before I heard a bang. ‘Yeh mate, you think we’re playing around now hurry up’. I looked up only to see the man holding a gun in his hand. Now I knew for sure this guy was serious. I’m not sure of what facial expression I showed, but it did hurry me up. I ran towards the man, slapped his money in his hand, got hold off the bag and started to run. BANG!! Again the awful sound of his gun fired , this time it was directed near me. ‘ You think you’re smart eh, giving me the wrong amount of money’. There was an awkward silence between us. The man got out his boat and started walking towards me, money in one hand, the gun in the other. A look of disgust appeared on his face. ‘I told you specifically, £185.50, not just £180’. I looked up to him worried. I eventually figured out that was why I had coins on me, and I threw the £5.50 into the sea which could lead me to being in deep trouble. ‘Mate, we gotta go so if you don’t pay up quickly, then I’m afraid that you won’t be going home mister, you’ll be with us!’ A grin loomed on his face, his posture was showing he was calm, but then there was me, absolutely shaking. ‘Er Sir, I’m awfully sorry but I don’t have your money Sir’

The man began to laugh. He started walking towards me with a smile on his face, now it was his turn to be a idiot, kicking stones which were in his path, leaning back as he approached me. ‘Well, it looks like it isn’t your lucky day’ At this point, I knew I was in trouble. My dreams over the last few days of returning home seemed like a distanced thought. I sighed, tried to plead my innocence and was on my knees begging, but this man couldn’t care less about me, he probably had more sympathy for the £5.50 in the sea than me. I was so nervous, I began to cry. I felt a cold tear tremble down my cheek and into my mouth. ‘Come on boy, you’re with us now.’ I felt a hand on me and my heart sunk. ‘What do you think about Mexico? Ever been there? Heard of anything?’





1 Comment

  • Samy,

    There are some really effective parts of this. I like when your character reminisces about spending time with his father and how this then influences his actions. I think your incorporation of pathetic fallacy works to help create an ominous tone.

    1) Read the opening sentence of each paragraph – this feels like each paragraph is almost starting a new story. How can you link the ending and beginning of each paragraph to help the flow for your reader?

    2) When your write ‘laundry’, do you mean laundering? Proof read this – is your meaning consistently clear? How can this be improved?
    3) Give each piece of dialogue a new line

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