Samy's English Journal

It was my first year at the Highbury Throne secondary school and I was was as frightened as ever. The intimidating older years, the crumbling walls which dawned over us, the teachers who glared and stared at us as if they were looking into my soul didn’t quite help me settle in to my new surroundings. I applied for this school as my brothers have previously been here, and chose this state over a well developed school just past Holloway Road, which seemed to be my first mistake of my older life. As I walked into my form room for the first time, the sense of fear and the smell of terror drew upon me, the blackboards were tatty, the chairs were freezing cold metal, nothing I was used to. Id like to think i was brought up in quite a fortunate family, good living conditions and certainly the new school did not meet the standard I have been used to. The kids smoked, teachers groaned and I seemed out of place with my freshly washed uniform, slicked back hair. I was in for a horrid 5 years.

Months flew past and I found myself now sniggering at the new year 7 boys; ‘they’re so small and ugly’ was a constant cry amongst the herd of year 8 boys , and to be honest the Highbury Throne wasn’t to bad after all. I had met new friends with similar interests, and had come to terms with some of the years popular boys, mainly because of my football skills and my connection to the females in the school. It wasn’t to bad, I got to know the teachers, who to stay away from, which intimidating older year pupils would assault me, the poorly built school didn’t seem to bother me anymore and best of all, I had come close with my love at first sight. I had come to terms with the poor construction of the school, and the people within the four walls, it seemed not so bad.

I think for the past year or so in our relationship with her that I have been so deeply in love that I haven’t seen the bad sides to her. My friends moaned at me telling me be careful with what you do but quite frankly, I couldn’t care less. My love for her imaged and matched a mountain, she was incredible. Well, thats what I thought. As we went up the years together, now mature young students, we contemplated we moved it to the next level, but there was an urge in me to turn it down, head home and ask my friends whats wrong with her. But no, I stayed the night and this was now my biggest mistake, we were just 15 years old and she was pregnant, I was soon to be a father of a girl who now seems to worry me, great.

Before the news got round to the people in the school, I had decided to meet my good friend, Thierry, and ask him what all the talk was about my girlfriend. He sat me down in our form room and said three simple words, the three words I will never forget in my life; ‘She’s using you’. This statement hit me like a bullet, my heart sunk and asked him how for some hope, and then he reminded me of all the times I bought her stuff, how much i’ve done for her, and what have I received in return, some affection? The world came crashing down on me at this point. Suddenly the old form room started to look less appealing to me, the sense of fear came back, the blackboards were worse than ever, my stomach swirled. The fantasy of going out with her was gone, I was at breakage point, I felt physically and mentally sick, I didn’t know what to do with a baby coming.

News broke out at school, and I wasn’t myself. She had no idea and was proud to show off her pregnant stomach, but this was all to much. My football had stopped, less attention was showed and I came to a conclusion of what to do. It was a sunny Friday over North London, kids were all playing football but Thierry knew why i was like this, and showed his pity. It was comforting until i saw her, and I exploded. I cant remember what i said but it had our year surrounding me, her friends consoled her, and I knew I took it too far. My so called mates were retreating away from me, mummers of how cruel I was were heard, it sunk in and hurt. Nothing at Highbury Throne looked familiar to me.